Managing your anger

Feeling angry is a normal, healthy emotion, but sometimes being angry seems to make matters worse. Learn more about anger and how to express it usefully.

   What is anger and why do you feel it?

There can be many frustrations and disappointments in life. Feeling angry in response to these frustrations is a normal, healthy emotion, it tells you that something is happening that you do not like. Anger is a feeling that never travels alone, it is always accompanied by another feeling, perhaps sadness, fear, guilt, frustration, or disappointment. It is important that when you do feel angry that you stop to consider what else you are feeling about the situation. Many feelings of anger are well justified because there has been an injustice to you or another, some anger is not however. Some anger occurs when unrealistic expectations of yourself or the world are not met. It is also important to resist getting angry at events that have occurred and for which nothing can be done to change them. At these times identify what else you are feeling. Your energy is best spent in dealing with that emotion and learning to live with what has happened.

   How to express anger usefully

Anger is best expressed in a way that doesn’t make the situation worse, and that changes the situation to be how you would like it. Your anger will go away when you feel that the unjust situation has been improved. Two expressions of anger that can harm us, others, and our relationships are ‘Aggression’ and ‘Passive-Aggression’.

• Aggression includes shouting, hitting, kicking, swearing, name calling, pushing, and other behaviours that attack another person or their property.
• Passive Aggressive behaviour includes sarcasm, making up stories about someone, gossiping, and stubbornness. They are designed to hurt another person indirectly.

   Anger and your study

Universities are large places with lots of different people, procedures, and rules, and your time there may not always go smoothly. When you are angry about something related to your study, remember that you, and the university staff, are the people who will make things better.

Stay calm and reasonable when dealing with other people and with yourself, seek advice about how to best manage the situation from your lecturers, administration staff, or from Student Life and then try to resolve the difficulty. Being aggressive and putting people off will not help you in any way.

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   Quick tips

What to do when you feel angry:

1. stop
2. consider what you are angry about
3. consider what else you are feeling
4. consider what you want to be different
5. consider who, when, where, and how you can best bring about these changes
6. act when calm

   Taking it further

External websites

• Anger management - Columbia University Health Services answers student questions
  http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2450.html

• Understand and manage your anger - American Psychological Association
  http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html

• Books and articles - National Men’s Resource Center
  http://www.menstuff.org/books/byissue/feelings-anger.html

• Dealing with anger - Canadian site for men covers useful ways to deal with anger and understand the perspective of others
  http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/CommunitySupport/Men4Change/anger.html

• Road Rage - article from the Australian Commonwealth Parliamentary Library talks about road rage
  http://www.aph.gov.au/library/pubs/rn/1996-97/97rn25.htm

Deakin University

• Assertive communication
• How to make an effective complaint

   Getting help

• Deakin University Equity and Equal Opportunity Office
• DUSA Student Advocates
• Making an appointment with a counsellor

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