The PhD on church hurt that helped a Deakin researcher heal

Larney was once a dedicated member of the Hillsong Church. 'I was very involved in church,' she recalls. 'I was a devout Christian. I started Bible college at Hillsong Church and soon became enamoured with the environment and their high standards of excellence.'

She achieved her dream of joining the teaching team, but the onset of COVID-19 brought immense pressure. 'I started to feel burnt out, while my personal values weren’t aligning with the church’s response, and our leaders came down heavy on anyone who didn't support those values,' she explains.

Determined to continue her education, Larney embarked on a masters degree. 'As I increased my education, I increased my critical thinking, not just around religion, but religious institutions and how their practices align with what Christianity is supposed to be about. The more I went along, the more I realised there was quite a big discrepancy.'

Being single, relatively young, and educated seemed to be a threat in those environments. 'We didn't fit the mould of what a woman should be, and that’s what drove me to do my master's research project on women's leadership journeys in Australian Pentecostal environments.'

Larney’s studies gave her a sense of purpose and highlighted the need for new knowledge in this area, leading her to pursue a PhD at Deakin focused on church hurt.

'Faith studies and religion, for women in particular, are really important to me. So I thought, what can I do to help others? I decided to explore women's spiritualities after experiencing church hurt, particularly within Australian mega-churches.'

Her research aims to document and analyse the experiences of women who have faced religious trauma, sexism, and other forms of distress within these environments. Her goal is to identify patterns and provide insights that could help others navigate similar challenges.

Church hurt encompasses a range of experiences, including the abuse of free labour, financial exploitation and high levels of control over personal lives and sexuality.

Contrary to the assumption that a PhD is an exclusively clinical experience, Larney’s research journey was deeply emotional.

'I would cry after nearly every single interview,' she admits. 'I could still get emotional now. The level of healing I experienced speaking with these women was profound. To sit and hold that space for other women is validating. Finding out that not only are you not alone, but a lot of people are going through this. That it's normal to feel disoriented, angry, and lost. But through reflection, self-kindness, and patience, it is possible to come out better on the other side.'

Larney is grateful for the support she received from Deakin during such an emotional time. 'The support from my supervisors was incredible. They were so kind and made sure I was safe and okay in the process of preparing to do the research. I really appreciated that.'

The university's HDR winter school also offered valuable opportunities to connect with other PhD students, making an often solitary journey more bearable. When asked if she stays in touch with her peers, Larney replied, 'I’m actually going to a writing retreat with them next weekend.'

Larney has become an active and valued member of Deakin’s community. She participates in various events and functions, including serving as a committee member for the upcoming conference for all graduate researchers in Deakin’s Faculty of Arts and Education.

This year’s conference theme, ‘Evolving Narratives: Reimagining Power, Possibilities and Perspectives in the 21st Century,’ invites researchers to explore the evolving nature of narratives and their roles as creators, interpreters, and storytellers in a dynamic world.

Despite her critical view of megachurches, Larney's faith remains strong. She hopes to use her research to help others maintain their faith in a changing world and to assist churches in aligning their values with more openness and inclusivity. Larney even envisions a future where she might use her research to consult with churches and help them better support their communities.

Larney Peerenboom's journey is a testament to the power of research in addressing personal and communal challenges. Her work not only contributes to academic knowledge but also offers hope and healing to others affected by church hurt.

Find out more about studying a research degree or PhD at Deakin