How teenage relationships shape us for life

How well do you remember your teenage years? They weren’t so long ago for some of us, while for others that era might seem a long way in the rearview mirror. But among the memories of anxiety-inducing high school exams and ill-advised hairstyles, that teenage time is a vital part of who we become in the future. Our experience of those years – and all the teenage relationships that come with them – leaves a lasting impression on how we deal with rejection and conflict, emotional regulation and even how we shape the next generation.

But how exactly do our teenage relationships affect our lives and those who come next? Through intergenerational studies, Deakin’s Associate Professor in the School of Psychology, Jacqui Macdonald, has greater insight than most – something she recently shared on the Inherited podcast.  We sat down with Macdonald to find out more.

Who we become in adulthood is not preordained – it’s affected in many ways by the people around us and the relationships we form. The idea is part of what researchers call the theory of psychosocial development  and, as Macdonald explains, it’s all about how the ‘deeply entwined’ way our psychological growth and social experiences interact throughout life.

‘We learn to regulate our emotions through social interactions within our families and friendships and our wider communities,’ she says. ‘Across development, in those interactions, we succeed and fail, we are rewarded and admonished, and we develop psychological patterns in thinking, feeling and behaving that are informed by our interactions with others and the influences and stresses in our environments.’

Even before our crucial teen years, we become who we are through a process of psychosocial development. Demonstrating how and why is the subject of long-running research study The Australian Temperament Project (ATP), which began with 2,443 infants and their parents in 1983. The ATP is now into its third generation, revealing some of the secrets of psychosocial development across generations.

‘We are now tracking the development of more than 1,000 Generation 3 children,’ Macdonald says. ‘This allows us to investigate not only how people develop across their own lives, but also how experiences and capacities in one generation may be associated with development in the next.’

While the research shows that a person’s future is often influenced by our adolescent experiences, it does reveal some interesting ways that our development (and those of our offspring) can be affected by our relationships across a longer period of time, too. Macdonald offers some examples of this from her research:

• Positive psychosocial development during adolescence and early adulthood ‘predicts more positive behaviour and fewer behavioural difficulties in participants’ children .’
• Young adults who had close connections to family and friends, empathy and secure attachment are more likely to have ‘stronger bonds with their infants and warmer, less hostile or anxious parenting.’
• For boys, having trusting relationships with mothers and peers and good communication with fathers during adolescence is linked to lower rates of mental health problems when they later become fathers.

According to Macdonald, the relationships we form in our teen years – what she calls an ‘intensive period of social learning’ – can be particularly impactful on the sorts of people we become in adulthood.

‘Young people are developing their identity, gaining independence from parents and learning how to manage closeness, trust, conflict, rejection, support and emotional vulnerability,’ Macdonald says. ‘Relationships during this period provide repeated opportunities to practise these capacities.’

While they’re important in general, different types of teenage relationships can affect us in unique ways. But, as with other levels of psychosocial development across our early life, Macdonald says these teenage relationships are ‘influential rather than destiny.’

‘People continue developing throughout adulthood, so if problems emerge, later relationships, therapy, community connection and supportive environments can all offer corrective experiences,’  she says.

With that in mind, let’s explore some of the various types of teenage relationships and how they impact us.

Unpacking parent teenager relationships

Parent-teenager relationships are the sorts of plot points that make sitcoms and teen dramas tick. But, as Macdonald explains, the importance of these relationships goes well beyond fictional fodder.

‘Parent-teen relationships are the bridge between childhood dependence and adult autonomy,’ she says. ‘Adolescents still need warmth, availability and guidance, but they also need increasing respect for their independence. Trust, communication and appropriately negotiated boundaries can help young people develop security and confidence. When a young person experiences very low care or overly controlling parenting, it can make autonomy, trust and emotional regulation more difficult.’

Macdonald says that, beyond just affecting the growth of those teenagers individually, the quality of a teenager’s relationship with their parents can leave an impression on future generations, too.

‘We did a study that found that adolescent girls who experienced low paternal care and high maternal control were more likely to experience difficulties bonding with their own babies when they had them many years later,’ Macdonald says.

Teenage friendship psychology

Friendships, too, are important relationships for teens. As Macdonald explains, the psychology of teenage friendships provides a different developmental setting from parent relationships.

‘Unlike relationships with parents, friendships are usually more voluntary and equal,’ she says. ‘They allow young people to practice reciprocity, loyalty, perspective-taking, conflict resolution and mutual support. Friends can also provide belonging and validation that is a step removed from families, so a progression in social skills before entering romantic partnerships.’

What we know about teenage love and relationships

Teenage love and romantic relationships offer another avenue for psychosocial development. Here, teens learn some important lessons about close, interpersonal relations.

‘Romantic relationships then introduce intimacy, attraction and commitment,’ Macdonald says. ‘There is also additional vulnerability and negotiation. These early relationships can become a setting in which expectations learned through family and friendships are tested and revised.’

Psychosocial development in teenage relationships (and other early life relationships) affects more than just the individual. The lessons and behaviours learned in these formative years can carry forward into the next generation, too.

In a review of research on the subject,  Macdonald and her colleagues conclude by stating that ‘Only through the progressive strengthening of social ecological structures, across generations, can we ensure that parents and other carers obtain the resources needed to nurture their children.’

As Macdonald explains, this means that nurturing children is a ‘generational project’ and that support during those influential teen years can create a more positive environment for the children of the next generation.

‘Teenage relationships are relevant because adolescence is one period in which people develop capacities central to later caregiving such as empathy, trust, emotional regulation, perspective-taking, autonomy and the ability to seek and provide support,’ she says. ‘Our research suggests that supportive adolescent relationships can contribute to stronger mental health in future parents, closer bonds with infants and warmer parenting.’

For Macdonald, the future of research into teenage relationships and development won’t be in isolation. She says that the most important studies will be those like the ATP that follow subjects across long periods of time.

‘We need the research that follows relationships prospectively from adolescence into adult partnerships and parenthood, rather than asking adults to reconstruct unreliable memories of teenage experiences many years later,’ Macdonald says. ‘Mature longitudinal studies such as the ATP are especially valuable because they allow us to examine development across life stages and generations.’

Macdonald also says that research needs to move beyond identifying individual risk factors, and instead look to how institutions and systems – like workplaces, services or social inequality – shape our ability to form relationships.

‘The ultimate aim is not simply to predict who might experience difficulty’ she says. ‘It is to identify the conditions that help young people, and the generations that follow them, to thrive.’