There is a science to relationships, but that's not what we are seeing on reality romance shows

With new seasons of The Bachelor and Married at First Sight currently airing, Dr Karantzas advises viewers to exercise a healthy dose of scrutiny.

“There is definitely a science to relationships, as 30 odd years of research can attest. However we don’t see that science in action when TV producers place couples in manufactured situations,” Dr Karantzas said.

“These shows compress a relationship that would normally take two years to develop into four to eight weeks. So it is no surprise that these relationships do not last.

“Married at First Sight, for example, has a one in four success rate, but the current marriage dissolution rate in Australia is 35 percent, which means it underperforms against the national average.”

Dr Karantzas suggests that anyone looking to take romantic cues from these TV shows are likely to be disappointed.

“Research on viewing shows about relationships suggests that watching these types of shows does influence their perceptions of their own relationships. However very few people will have the resources to match the budgets of commercial TV stations,” he said.

“The reality of relationships isn’t as dramatic as on TV. In fact at the heart of relationships is working through the challenges of daily life such as juggling family and work.”

So what does the science tell us about developing and maintaining long lasting relationships? Dr Karantzas provides the following insights:

• Couples need to work on their relationships no matter how long they have been together– relationships require effort.
• Setting a standard of what a person wants from a partner and relationship can be risky if the standards are unrealistic – it’s likely that no partner (no matter how good they are) will meet one’s needs.
• Experiencing conflict in a relationship is not necessarily a sign of problems, successful relationships experience conflicts too; it’s how they resolve conflict that matters – solution focused approaches in which partner respect each other.
• Maintaining similar relationship goals and values is important, as is, supporting one’s partner in achieving personal goals.
• Make sure you’re in a relationship for the ‘right’ reasons, committing to someone for reasons other than wanting to be with the partner can result in an unsatisfying relationship down the track.